sorry i could remember where i got these but if you know email me or tell me in the guest book !thanx!
The gang is playing horse. Fez has got it wrong.
Eric: Hey where's Fez?
Fez: (makes the basket behind the fence) Make that shoot whore.
Fez: In my country still I would string you to the tallest tree.
Hyde: We're not in your country Fez.
Fez: Right. Good luck with Donna.
Fez: If you hate the fuze on your ass, why don't you shave it off.
Kitty: All families are embarrassing. If they aren't embarrassing they're dead.
Hyde: I can't wait. My favorite place anywhere but here.
Kelso: Guess who just made out with Pam Macy?
Eric: Everyone.
Eric: Thanks for letting me drive home.
Red: Thanks for not killing me.
Kitty: Oh that's nice. That's music to a mothers ear.
Red: This isn't going to work. We're going to kill each other.
Kitty: Fine kill each other. Just do it together.
Red: It's not about the money. It's about the rules. Without rules, we might as well all sit up in a tree and fling crap at each other.
Hyde: Why don't you two get a room.
Eric: We have a room Hyde, it's my basement.
Red: Leisure suits are for dumb asses.
Kitty: Sex, it's not dirty.
Red: It's not clean either.
Hyde: Yeah on the plus side, you walk into a liqure store carring a baby, man, they'll sell you beer.
Donna: Jackie you're a sophmore. How could you do this?
Jackie: Heloo, I'm a sophmore.
Red: Be responsibly for your own faults.
Kelso: Oh yeah, that's real easy for you to say!
Red: That kid's on dope.
Donna: Jackie I went on the pill.
Jackie: Oh my God. You are going to be so popular.
Fez: I am so sad for you. Can I please have her phone number?
Fez: May I cut the cheese?
Red: Do I look like a carborator?
Hyde: Irony, far out.
(After his dad tried to explain what he does.)
Kelso: I'm just going to say you're a farmer.
Donna's dad: Migets make money. I don't know why, but whenever someone sees a miget they buy something.
Red as Obi-Wan: Jedi Knight, phhh, Jedi Jackass.
(All four parents seeing Star Wars.)
Donna's mom: Is this a true story?
Red: What are you going to put on your reseme? Dumb ass?
Hyde: It does not look like a pot leaf. It looks like a hand giving the finger.
Red: Kitty that's nonsense. The kids not on drugs. He's just...weird.
Hyde about Jackie: Oh she's nuts.
Fez: I know you are not fat.
Hyde: Kelso no offence, but you sound like a chick.
Kelso: Man I do.
Kitty: Eric your father and I have noticed how strange you've been acting.
Red: Are you on dope?
Red: What the hell happened to Bob's hair?
Eric: Beats me.
Red: He looks like a poodles ass.
Fez: Hyde you're right about Disco music, it is evil.
Fez: Someone go make toast right now!
Hyde: Disco is from hell. Not the cool part of hell with the murderers, but the lame part with all the accountants.
Eric: That's brilliant man! I'm getting the tape recorder.
Hyde: You saw a keg of beer and didn't say anything? Back of the line!
Kelso: I'm good looking and he's jealous. I'm telling you Jackie, this body is a curse.
Hyde: We were put on a farm here by aliens and we're cattle man! We're cattle!
Eric: Ever since yesterday I can't stop thinking about you. I want you. I want you so bad.
Fez: Don't resist me, Mama. It's boogie time.
Kitty: A car is not a bedroom on wheels.
Jackie: I have to go to the bathroom. Donna!
Fez: Can I see your giant tongue?
Hyde: Man my favorite gift is cash.
Jackie: You know what is both thoughtful and sentimental? Diamonds.
Kitty: Well, you can't have a christmas party without punch! That's just insanity!
Eric: I haggled.
Laure: From who? Smokey the bear?
Jackie: Hyde, if you want to make-out with me the answer is probably no.
Donna: Eric why's your grandma sleeping in the car?
Eric: She's not sleeping, she's dead.
Fez: So where were we? Oh yes, you were picking me up.
Kitty: When the timer goes off, one of you better take the roast out of the oven or there will be hell to pay.
Fez: Oh my God, there's a body in here.
Fez: I'm so excited about Star Whores.
Hyde: Fez man, it's Star Wars.
Fez: Screw that.
Hyde: Hey Forman, man, this thing better be good. if I don't see some space jugs I'm going to be super pissed.
Eric: Oh hey guys, I heard it was ok.
Kelso: Well, there is no way it's better than the Planet of the Apes. I mean those apes were really good actors.
Eric: And then they go into this bar and theres all these space creatures and then someone makes a mistake about picking on Obi-Wan Kenobi and then he takes out his lightsaber and he goes whoosh and chops the guys arm right off cause it's a saber made out of light.
Kitty: Well you know this doesn't sound like a nice movie. Now the Way We Were, that's a nice movie.
Laurie: So Eric are you going to get some Star Wars pajamas now?
Kelso: So Jackie you want to go see Star Wars tonight?
Jackie: Now Michael I told you I don't like space.
Kelso: Star Wars is a limited engagement.
Laurie: I'm bored.
Kelso: If you're bored you should go see Star Wars.
Kelso: Once again what's her name and I are back together.
Hyde: See this is why your country lost the war.
Fez: My country never fough a war.
Hyde: Yeah big surprise.
Kelso: I mean Leia right. She acted like she was mad at Han, but I could tell she liked him.
Hyde: Kelso man what are you an idiot? Leia likes Luke. She kissed him on that bridge.
Kelso: Ah phh just for luck.
Jackie: You guys just got to come over to the dark side.
Fez: They have free food.
Jackie: So what do you want to do tonight? Oh and if you say Star Wars again I'm leaving.
Kelso: You don't want to leave, you want to see Star Wars.
Jackie: Stop it, you are weird and I'm going home.
Fez: Oh no Dick Tracy got trapped in a giant clam. So long Dick.
Fez: You are a bitch. (to Kelso)
Kelso: Cartoons make me horny. Oh and food.
Kelso: That's a major burn!
Fez: I've noticed Red is a real hard ass.
Kitty: Well, that must have been quite an accident. Was he killed?
Jackie: I want it to be really, really special.
Donna: How can it not without a gigantic banner?
Jackie: Exactly.
Officer: You get one phone call.
Fez: Anywhere?
Kitty: Well, honey you took away his car. He has to walk everywhere.
Bob: Married woman do not abandon their familes.
Donna: Sure they do dad. It's the 70's.
Red: Ok what kind of feature are you looking for?
Lady: Something cold.
Hyde: If God wanted us to walk he wouldn't have given us Forman.
Fez: With a car like that you must e knee deep with whores.
Kelso: Who cares I'm tired and i never want to walk again.
Jackie: Michael walk me home.
Kelso: Ok.
Kelso: You have both your legs Frank.
Frank: Like I said. I did not loose a leg in Vietnam to serve kids.
Kelso: Where's your mom?
Eric: SHUT UP! DON'T YOU DEAR TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER!
Fez: My friend and I would like a sponge bath now.
All the guys: Kelso did it!!
Bob: Theropy that's for crazy's.
Midge: I think I'm going to like theropy.
Hyde: Well, see there Bob. You're on your own.
Fez: See how you drive people away.
Jackie: Look Michael Kelso and I had beautiful sex.
Donna: Eww. No wait. No, ew.
Wrestler: I give, and I give, and I give.
Red: Boo hoo. Get back in the ring.
Red: I am not Santa Clause.
Kitty: Well, thank God you're not Santa Clause. You'd scare away the children.
Fez: You use to be my hero.
Hyde: Give me a breal Forman. I just lost my mommy.
Donna: Excuse me Jackie, when did you lose your soul?
Jackie: Cheerleading camp.
Red: I could have had a corvette.
Eric: He's not an orphan, his mom abandoned him.
Kitty to Laurie: You get in the basement.
Fez: Ah oh. Ths van won't be rocking.
Lady: Hey those sideburns?
Hyde: Since eigth grade.
Red: For God's sakes, don't let Donna suck you neck.
Fez: Excuse me, can I please have a hikey please?
Laurie: Give me a reason for me not to set you on fire?
Eric: Well, whatever you taught, she flunked it.
Midge: Looks like you're going shopping with the big ass.
Eric: She's stupid and evil. Mostly stupid.
Hyde: God, you're nobile.
Jackie: Michael I told you. I don't like Texans.
Fez: Free candy?
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy you son of a bitch.
Jackie: Out of my way?
Kelso: I didn't say that.
Jackie: Yes you did. Right before you knocked her over.
Fez: All right. Nobody move. Somebody took my last box of sugar babies. Oh wait, I was sitting on them.
Midge: Kitty and I watched the soaps all the time. Now it's like you're Kitty.
Eric: Oh this is the worst Vanstock ever.
Fez: Sometimes when I'm alone, I like to cuddle.
Kitty: Have you ever baked a pie before?
Jackie: No. I was hoping to just get by on my looks.
Kelso: The truth is out there, man, it's out there.
Hyde: Okay. Alright. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Kelso: (laughing) Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled AND you cried.
Hyde: And you laughed, man! A lot! While I was bleeding! ... You see my point?
Kelso: Yeah: it's funny when friends get hurt.
Hyde: Close enough.
Kelso: Hey, Eric, maybe she's going to give you the big gift. You know, the BIG gift. You guys know what I'm talking about right?
Hyde: Yes, Kelso. We got it. Then, we got it.
Fez: I'm not even from here, and I got it.
Hyde: I read somewhere that people in India fast, man. And, that it makes them think better. And, sometimes they can actually think themselves to death, man.
Kelso: I wonder if that's what I'm doing right now? Sometimes my brain is doing things that I don't even know about!
Eric: Man, we think of some great stuff down here! But, later on I can never remember it.
Laurie is going out
Kitty: Who with?
Laurie: Doctors and Stock holders.
Red: Oh holy hell.
Kitty: No we don't know.
Red: Trust me we know.
Kitty: No, no we don't know what they did.
Laurie: I know, I know.
Red: You're a helpless idiot.
Eric: So are we ok now?
Kitty: Oh honey, no!
Kelso: I love her.
Fez: Yeah, but you dont deserve her you son of a bitch.
Kelso: What did you say?
Fez: I said good cheese puff, you son of a bitch.
Red: That works. That time we told you when
Kitty: Shhh.
Fez: My cheesie Puff has become my enemy.
Kelso: I miss Jackie
Eric: I know!
Red: We took him into our home. We treated him like our son.
Eric: Treated him better than your own son.
(Red's dream the way he thinks they're doing pot)
Fez: Here's the new shipment from where the hell I am from.
Jackie: Guess who?
Hyde: It's either Jackie or the cold hands of death.
Donna: Have you all of a sudden becme the stupidest man ever?
Fez: Kiss my brown ass.
Red: He's doper.
Kitty: Hey you say that like it's a bad thing!
i got these from that 70's show webring
Hyde - She likes Red because he's tough, you know a hard ass. You...you're soft.
Kelso & Donna - HOW SOFT IS HE HYDE?
Hyde - .....softer than Liberache at the Playboy mansion.
Fez - I'm so excited about "Star Whores"!
Hyde - Fez... It's "Star Wars".
Fez - Screw that!
Hyde - You know...shoes say a lot about the man....and right now your chucka boots are screaming "virgin."
Fez - ...damn you boots. What else have you told them?
Kelso - Yeah, those boots make me wanna upchucka.
Hyde - Nice.
Kelso - It's like I had too many chucka-la-chip cookies.
Hyde - ...yeah.
Kelso - Hey, how much wood could a woodchucka chucka--
Hyde - Shut the chucka up!
Hyde - How bout you come work at the Fotohut with me.
Fez - The Fotohut eh? I can really 'picture' myself there. That job and I would really 'click.' Oh, I am on a roll.......of film.
[Hyde punches Fez]
Fez - Ai! You don't have to be so.....'negative.' ....oh I am the king.
Kelso - I'm going to make him confess by outwitting him conversationally. Oh, what a fine game of cat and mouse it will be.
Donna - What are you gonna say?
Kelso - Oh, it'll come to me in the moment my friend.
Eric - Don't you think you should plan it out a little?
Kelso - Does the astronaut plan his missions?
Fez - What happens in the game of Cat & Mouse if the cat is retarded?
Hyde - Hey, what's up.
Kelso - Hello HYDE. What IS up?
Hyde - Guess you know about me and Jackie.
Kelso - Ahhhhaa!! So the battle of wits has begun!
Fez - That Thomas is shady. But do you notice he never tells you what country he is from.
Hyde - ...what country are you from?
Fez - ...what country are you from?
Hyde - America.
Fez - Fine, mystery solved.
Eric - I'm gonna tell Red that I do it too.
Donna - What NO! Have you suddenly become the stupidest man ever? I mean is Kelso no longer the reigning king?
Kelso - Oh, I'm the king.
Kelso - Smoke detector? Does that detect any kind of smoke?
Donna - .....long live the king.
Kitty - Oooh, look how cute you are! This is just like when you were 5, and played make believe dinner. Only this time, it won't end by Donna sitting on Eric's face!
[Awkward pause]
Kitty - OK!
[Kitty and Red start leaving]
Red - Kitty, that was bad.
Kitty - I know, keep walking.
[Kitty and Red finally leave]
Eric - Oh, good, and I thought this was going to be awkward.
Kelso - Guys! I just saw a U.F.O.!
Hyde - Oh my God, what a coincidence! I was just telling Fez how stupid you are!
Jackie - Oh God, Michael, in that dress, you are way prettier than Bowie!
Kelso - Hell, I'm prettier than you!
Laurie - Nothing here is cheap.
Eric - Except you.
Laurie - I am not cheap!
Eric - Alright, free...whatever.
Eric - We're gonna do what Luke Skywalker was too afraid to do: use the dark side to our advantage.
Donna - Eric, if we're gonna be married you've got to ease up on the Star Wars stuff. It doesn't apply to everything.
Eric - I'm gonna have to rewrite my vows...
Eric - "Hey, I'm Hyde. I don't feel anything. I'm just a frizzy haired robot."
Hyde - "Hey, I'm Forman. I use the same voice to imitate everybody."
Jackie - "I know! We can read aloud. I'll be Nancy Drew, and you can be her pudgy friend Bess!"
Kelso - "Aw, dammit, I'm always Bess!"
Laurie - "Hey, Hyde. Going home so you can practice asking another guy "Are you my daddy"?
Hyde - "Hey, Laurie. The surgeon general called, he told you to stop hording all the penicillin."
Laurie - "You know, you should watch your table manners. Because, when you're in prison, that would just be a turn on to some guy named "Tank"."
Hyde - "Oh, yeah? Well, maybe when you're there for a conjugal visit, you could ask him to take it easy on me."
Laurie - "Oh, yeah? Well... Nice hair!"
Hyde - "Awww, Laurie... Are you out of put downs?"
Laurie - "Yeah..."
Red - What have I said about comparing your sister to the Devil?
Eric - That it's offensive to the Devil?
Eric - My head hurts.
Red - That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
Hyde - I got a C-.
Red - Good job Steven.
Eric - I got a B.
Red - You couldn't get an A?
Kitty - Aww honey, don't listen to him. You did super. And Steven, you did super duper.
Eric - Why does he get a duper?
Donna - Don't worry Kelso, he's just doing this to help her win that stupid roller disco thing.
Kelso - Yeah...you're right. Thanks Donna. You're a good friend.
Donna - Cuz, I mean if you think about, what does Fez have going for him, except an incredibly sexy accent and an extremely hot body.
Kelso - Okay, Donna, now you're being a bad friend.
Donna - I mean who knows, Jackie might be so grateful to him that she'll just rip off his clothes and do it with him right there on the rink, that's how hot he is.
Kelso - ...BAD FRIEND DONNA!
Kitty - (cooking) Where's my brown sugar?
Fez - I'm right here, sweetie pie.
Jackie - It's just a meaningless fling, we can stop whenever we want.
Eric - Well, then maybe you should.
Jackie - Well, why do you even care?
Eric - BECAUSE YOU'RE BREAKING UP THE BAND, YOKO!
Red - Bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else I'm going to--
Eric - kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat, yeah, yeah yeah...
Red - I'm glad he's in prison for bribery.
People like him give a bad name to Republicans.
Eric - Yeah, thank God for all the honest ones like Richard Nixon.
[Everybody moves away from Eric]
Red - What did you just say?
Eric - Uhh... I said Nixon was framed, and Kennedy was a commie?
Red - Damn right!
Kelso - Guys, I was making out with Pam Macy in the orchestra pit. And... the worst thing that could happen to a guy happened.
Fez - Ohhhh! Mr. Cooper came in to buff the floors?
Kelso - No....okay let me put it this way. The buffer wouldn't buff.
Fez - Poor Mr. Cooper...
Hyde - Fez, I think what Kelso meant to say was... the rabbit wouldn't come out of the hat.
Eric - The weasel wouldn't pop.
Hyde - The alphabet soup never spelled go.
Kelso - OK, ENOUGH!
Eric - Oh, wait. There were a lot of Amish people, but they never raised a barn.
Hyde - That's a good one Forman.
Eric - I know, it just came to me.
Eric - ....it's okay.
Hyde - Shutup Forman.
Eric - You're home now! [hugs hyde] ....don't try to hide from your feelings! Let me love you orphan boy!
Red - Kitty.......what's the dog doing on the counter?
Kitty - .....he likes to be tall.
Red - Eric, what the hell are you doing back there?
Eric - ....making you a hat...because you're KING OF THE ROAD!
Kelso - Yeah, Hyde's in jail. Hey guys, do you think that he's anyone's girlfriend yet?
Fez - Kelso, he's been in jail for three hours. Of COURSE he's someone's girlfriend!
[holding up etchasketch of hyde]
Kelso - Hey Curly Q, would you like to perform an unspeakable act on me or would prefer I perform one on you?
Hyde - [looking at etchasketch] Huh...Bet you didn't want me to see this.
Eric - [shaking up etchasketch] WELCOME BACK BUDDY! I...this....we....I'm so sorry.
Kelso - You know...Curly Q..is a.....it's a term of endearment.
Fez - So....when do we get to meet your new fella?
Kitty - What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?!
Kelso - Yes, I was! And until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it!
Kitty - You know what's beautiful? .....fruitcake. All the little fruits living together in ONE cake.
Midge - I jumped out of a cake once..
Eric - You know what they think is Christmasy? ...unicorns. No i'm sorry, space unicorns...
Leo - Eric, you can't quit now. The christmas spirit is contagious, like VD.
Eric - I duno Leo, I just don't think I have it anymore..
Leo - Oh, don't be fooled man, VD comes back.
Eric - No...not that I was....okay yeah I'll watch for that..
Eric - Mom, I don't have tiny wrists do I?
Kitty - No, not tiny, dainty.
Eric - Yeah, I mean, when the empire killed Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, did he just call them up?
Everyone else - ohh nooo......
Eric - No! He hopped on the millenium falcon, and he paid a little visit to the death star!
Red - Luke Skywalker? No more talk about that little fruit.
Eric - ...Luke Skywalker, is NOT-- clearly he and Leia, I ---
Red - All you had to do was build a cabin out of lincoln logs.
Eric - Well I thought I'd score some extra points by building the Millenium Falcon.
Red - Is that a Star Wars thing? Because if it is I'm gonna kick your ass.
Eric - No...it's not a star wars thing.....it's a very rare falcon....that can do the kessel run in under 6 parsecs...
Eric - Hey remember the time, when batman...
Donna - Eric...what did we talk about.
Eric - ...Everytime I reference batman I owe you a geek dollar....
Hyde - I read somewhere that there's these people in India who fast, man. And, that it makes them think better. And, sometimes they can actually think themselves to death, man!
Kelso - I wonder if that's what I'm doing right now... Sometimes my brain is doing things that I don't even know about.
Kelso - "I heard about these people that live in France.."
Hyde - "..what do they do?"
Kelso - "They're incredibly....french!"
Eric - I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid, and worth hearing.
Red - Well that's perfect Eric. Use that line when you run for Miss America.
Hyde - We also made a pact to invent a formula for invisibility.......but that fell through too.
Kelso - Because you gave up!
Kelso - I miss Eric.
Jackie - Well, you still have me.
Kelso - It's not the same, Jackie. I can talk to Eric about things that I can't talk about with you.
Jackie - Okay, well like what?
Kelso - Well, for instance, the annoying things you do.
Jackie - Michael!
Kelso - See, I can't talk to you!
[ Eric Forman ]
"Oh really Donna? Cuz up until a minute ago we were goin at it like rabbits who had..just gotten outta prison!"
"God, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation instant bitch?"
"Panties! GLORIOUS PANTIES! [evil laughter]"
"You know, I just don't know why my dad doesn't want me to work. I mean, yeah, I'm a real bad boy, Donna. My big teenage rebellion is to get a job. Ooh, you never know what I'm gonna do next. Oh my God, look out! He's got insurance!"
"Oh God, then I guess I have to come clean. Okay, in the 1st grade, behind your back, I used to call you Donna Pinch-my-buttie."
"Oh...my God. .....Oh my God. [grabs sweater] This is mine. Midge borrowed it and never gave it back. ...I bet my bra's here too."
"I could understand you not wanting to stay home with your children, I mean you already have such a fulfilling career as a whore."
"We're so glad that you could come here for dinner from your apartment .....where you live....with some guy....in sin."
(about Hyde moving back in the basement)
"You know, I did notice a dusting of curly hair on the floor. I just wrote it off to my changing teenage body."
"Dad you can't take away the vista cruiser! It's my batmobile! Without it I'm just a guy in a silly outfit."
"Donna, it's hard, it's not like being friends with Hyde, okay. I haven't, you know, touched his fun parts... well, on purpose."
"Yeah, yeah, just... look, please, no talking about me, okay? And no looking at my naked baby pictures either, they're... misleading."
"The floor? VISITORS get the floor, and that means you, Terry Tube-Top!"
"Oh there will be details-a-plenty in my steamy letter to "Penthouse"... Okay, my mom's still behind me, isn't she?"
"Well unfortunately, Penny is my cousin. That would be like looking at my mom and thinking "Hey baby!"... Well I'm just gonna stop right there."
"Damn you Alice Cooper."
"Dad that room says wrestlers only. That's a rule. And as I remember a wise man once said without rules the world would be full of tree climbling crap flingers."
[ Donna Pinciotti ]
"I love showing my butt! I don't care what Eric says! I like to show it, and I like to shake it!"
"And you know what else? My hands are huge! They're like boxing gloves! I am the greatest!"
"I can't believe Laurie bit me. I hope she didn't give me like slut rabies."
"I can feel all the molecules in my body! Wow, I'm gonna count them...1, 2, 3... ....22, 23. Wow, my hands are huge! Oh damnit! 1, 2, 3..."
"Well Eric, you know, that's okay, 'cause I was the first one to call you Eric Foreskin."
"Last night he took me out for Putt Putt, and tomorrow, he's taking me on a hayride. Fez is so charming! You know, I can see why Caroline is stalking him."
"How dare she try to come here and outhot us. I mean, we don't go to her town and try to outwhore her. She can't just show up all hot, shaking her butt around our guys. If our guys are gonna fantasize about moisturizing anybody, it should be us."
"Hey look! You have a window! Maybe someday you can climb up there and look out."
[ Jackie Burkhardt ]
You know one time I saw Leo and he was speaking Chinese. And I said, 'Hey Leo! Stop speaking chinese!' And then he turned around....and he wasn't Leo. You know I'll never forget that...
Michael, I invited you for a sleepover, not a do-it-over.
Donna, stairs are not gonna stop a high school horndog, barbwire will not stop a high school horndog, a wall of fire will not stop...
Michael, the beautiful cannot be held responsible for the havoc our looks create.
Why won't Steven love me? Oh, I wish my daddy could buy him for me...
That is so typical, as if every women wants to spend her life as a pampered house wife raising kids and organizing the help. Wait? Isn't that what every women wants?
(inner thoughts)
Please look at me. Hey! Psst, I love you, Steven! I have secret love powers. Look at me!
Eric, this is very hard. I love Steven because he's smart, he's deep, and when we have a conversation he makes me think. Which used to give me a headache, but now I like it.
I am not getting a job. A job is for poor people. I am a rich person who doesn't have money. Big diff.
Now, I don't know who "Fica" is, but that bitch stole like 10% of my money.
A wife just has to be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room....and an acrobat in the bedroom. And I can hire a cook and a maid.
If I could run across a beach into my own arms, I would!
[ Steven Hyde ]
I'm not a conspiracy nut! My gym and shop teachers started that rumor to discredit me.
Hey, if this relationship wasn't a little bit creepy and unnatural, I wouldn't be in it.
Think about it, a world full of Kelsos. Libraries will fall into disrepair, there'd be feathered hair as far as the eye could see, we'll have to put padding on every sharp corner.
No, no, see I'm an original, a Warhol. You're just a print.
C'mon Donna, throw him a bone, huh? The kid can only get so much satisfaction from the back of a panty hose package.
I'm going to explain my feelings for you through a highly disciplined form of Japanese poetry, Haiku. 'My heart aches with pain. When I see you I vomit. Die away from me'.
He went to work for the police... developing high tech handcuffs to restrain people with tiny wrists.
Whoa.....that was like 8 burns in one sentence.
(imitating Donna)
Oh no poor me, all alone in my big house. Just me and my nighty. If only there were some scrawny little neighbor boy here.
Yeah, I never thought I'd be a working man, man. But man, here I am, working for the man. And You know what man? I like the man.
Hey Leo. Huggy Bear called. He wants his suit back.
I don't trust anything. I don't even trust what time it is right now is really what time it is.
Would you feel better if you had a scrawny little neighbor boy up next to you?
[ Michael Kelso ]
[sing to american pie]
Bye Bye Mr. Steven Hyde
I'm a hottie and you're nottie
Jackie's gonna be mine
She likes my brunette locks
Not your curly ass twine
Oh Jackie Burkhardt you are so fine.
"If Hyde was in Hyde's bed, and Jackie was in Hyde's bed, what exactly was going on in said bed? So she NEEDED A PLACE TO SLEEP, huh? Well a bed is an interesting choice wouldn't you say?"
"You can't be in the same bed with someone and not do it! I've fallen asleep not doing it, and woken up doing it!"
"You know what a funny word is? ....Pickelweasel!"
Rudolph had a girlfriend! Her name was Clarice! She thought he was cute! You know, if anyone was gay it was that..Herbie! No straight elf has hair like that!
"Technically were in the basement of the lord, and I'll bet he never comes down here."
"What is it now? Do you want me to drop out of high school, join the Salvation Army and go off and fight wars?"
"Alright Jackie, slow down. Okay, wearing lipstick is one thing, but a gown? That's kinda fruity."
"Hey! Uh, puffy shirt guy called, he wants his puffy shirt back!"
"Fez, the foundation of every good relationship is 3 words, "I-don't-know." "Where are you going?", "I don't know." "What are you thinking about?", "I don't know". "Who's that under you?", "I don't know!" It's bullet-proof."
"Hey guys, I've been thinking about getting a perm. Hyde, can I get the number of your guy?"
One day, I'm gonna open a restaurant, and everything on the menu is gonna be special. So, when somebody comes in and says "Hey, Kelso, what's the special", I can say "Everything!"
If this is about maturity, I want nothing to do with it!
"This is an El Camino! That's spanish for THE Camino!"
"In 1974 Miss Alabama started thinking. And do you know where she is now? Alabama."
[ FEZ ]
You know what would be a good job for me? Gigolo. The loving is over. Now, pay me!
What have you meddling whores done to my Rhonda?
Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leave a note saying "sorry I missed you" and then call you on the phone...
Cake is good but you can not have sex with cake...of course you can not have sex with Donna either so...
Then riddle me this! What does Batman know about girls? He slides down a pole and lives with a teenage boy! Enough said!
I'm Red, dumbass! Where are my muffins, dumbass?!
Caroline! I was just offering my girlfriend, Donna, a sip from my straw. We don't care about germs, since she has had her tongue in my mouth.
I duno, I'd like to bathe with friends....they can reach places you can't.
I would love to make love to an 80 year old. They must know everything, and not just about sex, but history and trivia too.
I can be evil. I hate you!... Oh Eric I don't hate you, I love you. I'm sorry.
Sometimes when I look at naked ladies, I get really tired. But then I get my second wind, and I'm ready for more naked ladies.
Oh, Hyde, watching you fail over and over, it is like Charlie Brown and the football.
Sometimes when I'm alone, I just like to cuddle.
[ Red Forman ]
"Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other."
"Yeah, Eric. You do look like the Riddler. He's a Dumbass too."
"I can't be friends with Eric! He's too......twitchy."
"What are you going to put on your resume: dumbass?"
You don't have bad luck. The reason why bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
How would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?!
Oh Kitty, don't tell Eric that we're coming home. If he's doing something wrong, and we both know he is, it's important that I catch him... Because it gives me pleasure.
Jedi Knight? Psh...Jedi Dumbass.
Look at me! I'm Whip-cream Head! Fear me! All fear Whip-cream Head!
Gilligan screwed it up, he always screws it up. Why don't they just kill him?
And I'll tell you, something's going on with that Skipper. You don't get that fat eating coconuts.
Hip. I like that word. It's not even a word... Hip.....Hip-puh! HIP-PUH! It sorta pops you know?
If I had mistle-foot it would be in your ass.
Hippity hoppity Easter's on it's way ...Well, I was hoppin down the old bunny trail when some guy offered me $200 for the Vista Cruiser...So, I sold it to him.
His name was Peter. Peter........Cottontail... Hoppin down the bunny trail! Hippity Hoppity Easter's on it's way!
Hip...Hip-puh....it starts to lose it's meaning.
[ Kitty Forman ]
Couple of weeks?!? This isn't the playboy mansion ya know!
How could you bring a girl into the basement, Steven! That's where I keep my christmas decorations! Baby Jesus was watching!
You know I love my family. It's just sometimes I wanna get in the car and run em all over!
Let's try some of that forgiveness that Jesus was always talking about. Be like Jesus, Red!
A car is not a bedroom on wheels!
Why should I care that my sweet baby boy was defiled by some jiggly red haired tramp! What I can't figure out is how she tricked him into it.
Well, they're not gonna do anything wrong because I brought a box of activites to occupy their time! So, um, be good and have fun! Do crafts! Not drugs!
Good news, Red. I just took Cosmo's 10 Ways to Please Your Man in Bed test, and I got 9 out of 10! But I didn't get number 3 because I'm a nurse and number 3 is icky.
Well, I will say this about Pricemart, they have wonderful balls.
(to pet goldfish) Don't look at me, "Mrs. Paul" killed these!
I don't need to kiss some old lady's a-s-s on my holiday. You heard what I spelled.
i got these from the brinksters site!
